At an indeterminate hour on the auspicious day of July 28, 1887, a particular Miss Jean Louis breached our current reality with a war cry to rival the stoutest of princess warriors. Attended only by an elderly midwife, Miss Louis was picked up, dusted off and taken from her humble birthing hut to be presented to the townsfolk of Khor ‘Angar, who looked on with awe at the source of the alarming cries that roused them from their activities. This small coastal town located in Djibouti’s northern region and presently known for its airstrip and Old Fort, welcomed the precious newborn with strained smiles and pleas to the midwife to quiet the babe as she would frighten all of fish to the other side of the sea. So goes the tale as it is recounted by the midwife’s descendants. However, if this were true, that would mean Miss Jean Louis is 129 years old.
Miss Jean Louis aged 2.75
This leaves us to wonder – how does she stay so spry? Scientitions suggest Miss Louis is employing a state of the art spaceship which travels at relative speeds, allowing her to suspend the aging process while taking a tour through the galaxy between seasons of Gishwhes. Others claim she stumbled upon the Fountain of Youth sometime in the early 1900’s. Most outlandish of all are the implications that her reported age is merely a typo. Experts are quick to dismiss this idea as it would demonstrate compliance with normalcy – a notion known to be abhorrent to the monarch.
While utterly unable to prove this theory, the author believes Miss Louis’ long reign can be attributed to her mysterious origins. It is entirely possible she is the progeny of master yogis who are known to be quite limber and reach impressive ages. Or possibly it was aliens. Regardless, she does not appear to have aged beyond the current date.
Miss Louis is displeased.
The indelible fact remains: Miss Jean Louis remains an enigma swaddled delectably within an indescribable art form within a force of nature – let us say a sharknado to be exact. Despite her snowy leopard-like temperament, she has managed to wrangle Mr. Misha Collins, who claims to only play an angel on television, although some sources doubt this, into organizing yet another year of Gishwhes, and for that many yodel her praise. Rule on, Oh Queen of the Gish.
Bellastra 